Exclusive – News from Africa
President Winston Mbeko Banana of The Peoples Republic of Umbongo today declared that he could no longer sit idly by and see a once great nation slide into anarchy, crippled by debt, over run by crime, paralysed by fear and ruled by an elitist unelected Marxist Dictator frantically trying to cling to the reins of power at a tragic cost to the people.
“I will sort out this mess. I have a duty to do. A duty to Africa to lead the way” said Winston Banana, this afternoon, whilst being force fed Zebra urine by one of Lee Jaspers girlfriends in the back of his GLC funded Rolls Royce.
His diamond encrusted Learjet landed at Heathrow this afternoon. He is expected to wrestle the Glorious Leader on a rug, naked at Number 10, in an effort to persuade him to stand down and once again allow democracy to flourish in the beleaguered State of Britistan before dining at Chequers on a menu of gently sautéed Gorilla heads and Rwandan Land Crabs.
Earlier, in an embarrassing mix up, Winston Banana was offered a job within the immigration service and child benefit forms were automatically generated for his 147 children. Meanwhile Bono, Lead singer of Me1 (formally known as Fuck You too) has also asked if he can borrow the learjet to fly his pet hamster from the East Wing of his Galway Mansion to the West wing, where the view of the starving Irish masses is better.