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OH Guide to Parenthood.

Posted on November 17, 2008January 17, 2025 by admin

Print off and hand to pregnant Chavs.

 

A dining table. Buy one. Sit and eat every meal at it. All of you. Together

A book. Fill your house with them. Read them to your kids when you put them to bed. Not Dvd’s, not PS3’s, not a Wii. Books. They cost 2p in the charity shop.

A cooker. Cook dinner on it. Put some food in it. Eat it at your dinner table. Together.

A park. Take your kids there. As a “family”. Often. It’s free.

A school. Your child will spend 11 years of it’s life there. Make sure it is worthwhile. They could get run over by a bus tomorrow. It’s free

Bedtime. Send your children there at 8pm and read them a story. It’s free

Do not hit each other, do not get drunk in front of the kids and turn the telly off occasionally. Do not treat the dog better than your kids. Your kids are the most precious things you will ever possess. More than your sovereign rings, your prize pitbull, your carp fishing rods, your tanning spray, your hair straighteners and your Escort Cabriolet.

Get used to staying in, drinking at home, looking at an ugly wife, being skint. Get used to hard work, sleepless nights, endless cleaning, eternal noise and everything you value being smashed, eaten, puked on or “going missing”.

 

It’s called Parenthood. And it’s worth every second. If you don’t want it, keep your fucking legs crossed.

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