Following trials in Germany our Home Economics Secretary is to give local authorities the power to set up DNA databases of all the dogs in their areas. Then, in a move to help the long term unemployed, thousands of Dog Turd Inspectors will be unleashed to collect samples from the streets to check against the database, with fines of up to £1,000 slapped on the naughty owners. Naturally, police dogs will be exempted, as will any dogs owned by politicians or celebrities.